How Gjernima lost 20 million dollars: The Cheating Detector Device

cheating-detector-implantMr. Gjernima, what inspired you to create the Cheating Detector Device ?

Actually, my idea is not very original. I was watching an episode of The X-Files with those neck implant things, and I thought: “Hey, perhaps Adilim should use a similar technology for tracking people!”

But after thinking about the idea more carefully, it started sounding very unprofitable. Google is way more comfortable, stealthy and efficient than a neck implant. But still, some people might want 24/7  information on a certain person’s location, such as married people who want to make sure that their partners are not cheating on them.

The X-Files? I’d never think you liked that show…

I don’t!  The only reason why I watch it is because that detective chick is smokin’ hot!

No offense, but that’s a very stupid justification for watching a show.

If I’m stupid just because I am wasting 45 minutes of my life watching  a certain show because I think that the female lead is hot, then the rest of Americans who wasted 4 years of their country’s life by voting Obama just because he was charismatic must be f’ing morons!

Anyways, let’s get back to our topic. Anne Wojcicki once told me that when humans are aroused, the heat in their genitals increases.

And that’s all I needed. We teamed up with some scientists and after a year of hard work and research, we finally created our first CDD. It is inserted in the back of the neck and connected with the nervous system, where it gathers information about the hormone flow and body heat. This information is then uploaded to the internet, where it can be accessed by our clients. Here is where the fun part begins: with a simple GPS device you can track your beloved one’s location and find out if they are cheating or not.  The insertion procedure costs about 2000 USD, while the device itself is 9400 USD. As you can see, knowing if your spouse is being loyal is a luxury that only millionaires can afford.

We thought that Saudi men from the royal family would be the perfect customers for this type of product. So we put our first and unfortunately last at the Riyadh Trade Center. None of them were sold…

Why is that so?

Damn Saudis never let their wives get out of their homes! So what the fuck is the point of tracking your wife with a GPS when she’s always at home?!

I’m so pissed off with all this crap!

Alright, Adilim. I think we are finished.

Thank you Krasniq, now I can finally watch some South Park.