Children wave Albanian flags on the streets of Fshat Memaliaj, celebrating Adilim Gjernima’s plans to visit the village in summer of 2010. Adilim plans to discuss the future of his Albanian Americans for Progress and a new super-highway connecting Tirana to the south of the country as a gift to his mother country. Adilim plans to fund this project by himself, with the help of some anonymous donors.
Adilim Gjernima announced today the formation of a new political party, the AAFP (Albanian Americans for Progress).
Although the young billionaire himself hasn’t reached the age required to run for the Albanian Congress, he believes that a political party is crucial for his goal:
“After all, people in Albania don’t vote individuals, but parties, thus I need one in order to win the Albanian elections.”
“Albania has become a big dutch cow that every ambitious katunar wants to milk. The country has made only minor steps towards progress. The corrupt politicians are stealing the taxpayer’s money, using it it to buy lavish houses and cars. And what’s worst of all is that the people have lost interest and keep voting the same shitty parties over and over again without having ever read their programs. Politics has become a constant rotation of SP and DP-run governments. This has to change. I want it to change, therefore I will change it. “
Those were the words that Adilim spoke during the last Albanian-American conference. The young billionaire has recently taken a more vocal interest in his home country of Albania, and thus it seems that what they really mean is that he’s going to form a political party.
Adilim Gjernima shocked the American press when he announced this Friday that he had donated five million US dollars to the ILA (Illyrian Liberation Army), a radical Albanian organization. The ILA advocates for the mass expulsion of Slavs from the Balkan peninsula and the creation of an Illyrian nation which will consist of modern day Albania, Kosovo, FYROM, Bosnia-Herzegovina and Serbia.
The Illyrian Liberation Army, founded in July 1997 by Themistokli Hoxha, has reached over 1000 members since US president Barack Obama abandoned America’s missile defense in Eastern Europe.
Regional experts argue that support for the extremist organization has risen steadily because many Albanians believe that the ILA is the only existing organization which will help defending against a Russian or even a Serbian invasion.
Meanwhile, Adilim Gjernima’s public image has been badly shaken in America. In the face of mounting critcism, the young entrepreneur promised that he would explain himself very soon.
Public Intellectual Noam Chomsky commented:
“Hmm! Russia has nice literature. There is no reason why the Slavic motherland should be destroyed. ILA’s claims on Russia pulling the world economy’s strings are completely false. I don’t think that the Slavs were responsible for 9/11 either.”
Gjernima’s good friend, entertainer/magician Penn Jillette:
This is outrageous! He used to be a nice guy until he jumped the shark and allied with terrorists. Adilim Gjernima is bullshit!
Hans Blix, an UN official:
Russia is going to face serious consequences if it doesn’t give up its illegal settlements on Illyrian territory.
Adilim Gjernima, the Albanian-American teenage billionaire, was celebrated in Pristina while visiting the Kosovo capital on business. Google is considering opening offices in the country and Gjernima was asked to scope out potential locations.
Adilim Gjernima and several other representatives from the Albanian-American community held a conference this Saturday where they suggested the “American Dream for Gypsies” project. Gjernima told the AP that this project would be the final solution for the
Gypsy Plague . The “American Dream for Gypsies”, as the title itself suggests it, offers a new opportunity to gypsies. It consists of the granting of green cards for Tirana’s gypsy community and the building a new gypsy neighborhood in San Francisco. Gjernima told the AP that he is willing to pay up to 40 million US dollars in order to finance the project. Said Gjernima:
“It will look just like Brrakaj, but in a different country. For the Gypsy community this might be the true opportunity to live the American Dream. There are some angry NGOs out there who hate my project, but the Albanian Gypsy Community’s representatives loved it, so I’m still quite optimistic.”
Xhevri Bajrami, the leader of the Albanian Gypsy Community said:
“Gjernima told us that we won’t face discrimination here in San Francisco, since the local community respects different cultures and lifestyles. They are also very wealthy and kind to poor people, which is great for us. And most of all, we are going to live in a country led by a gypsy, one of our kind, president Barack Obama himself.”
“Green cards, a new home and a new life in a better country. This is the best news I have ever heard in years…it is almost unbelievable! I cannot wait for this to happen.”
Trey Parker and Matt Stone announced today that their next South Park episode is going to take place in Albania, as a tribute to Adilim Gjernima, their Albanian-American friend. This episode features Cartman being kidnapped by Marko Hoxha, the villain from the movie Taken and sold as a male prostitute in Bari, Italy where is major clientele are queer jews.
The Emmy-awarded South Park was first aired in 1997 and has been one of the most popular shows in America ever since. Adilim Gjernima, who labels himself as “a libertarian but not one of those anarchist aholes”, is a hardcore South Park fan who appreciates the shows witty political humor and regularly hangs out with its creators. He has also supported Trey Parker and Matt Stone by sending them his own lawyers during the famous case “Tom Cruise inside the closet vs South Park”.
“It has been a great pleasure for us. He’s not only an awesome guy, but has filled us up with great episode ideas.” – commented Parker for the AP.